Respect

I often tell my pre-kindergarten students that if I teach them nothing else during their time in my classroom, they will learn to be kind to one another.  Yes, watching them read and write their first word brings tears to my eyes.  Hearing them recall what we have learned about fractions and states of matter gives me an immeasurable sense of pride, and tomorrow, when we celebrate the 100^th day of school by counting all the way to 100 for the first time, I will get chills just as I did with last year’s class.

But today my heart was filled with a job well done, and it reminded me of my blog from yesterday.

Part of the agenda for our Social Science lesson today was to review what children recall thus far from our manners curriculum.  I asked the very vague, open-ended question, “what do we remember as being important from this book about our manners?”  The first answer, a single word, came out of two mouths simultaneously . . .

Respect.

The room became silent as the rest of the class also realized that this was the end-all, be-all of answers, the one word that encompassed all the ideas they were about to offer.  They all get it.

I was silent for a moment as well.  No, this is not even close to the biggest, most mature word I have heard them use, but it could possibly be the most important.  I tested the waters (and my luck) by asking for a definition of the word and examples of the concept.

I got what I asked for . . . .

“Be kind to others.”

“Listen to your friends’ words.”

“Don’t be a bully.”

“Be a bucket-filler, not a bucket-dipper.”  (See the ingenious book, Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud; I am currently working my way through the adult version.)

“Be good to yourself.”

“Use your own words.”

“Listen to your teachers.”

“Teamwork.”

“Get along with each other.”

“Love each other.”

These few short phrases from a group of four-year-olds made me realize they could have defined not only “respect,” but the word “tolerance” as well, far better than I attempted to do in yesterday’s write.  At the very heart of tolerance is respect. Respect for others, respect for yourself, respect for the relationships and bonds between us all.  Not a single child mentioned politics, religious beliefs, or personal opinion, yet each theorized that we should listen to one another, work together as one, stand up for ourselves, and be kind to one another.  That simple.

No academic assessment is needed to tell me that yes indeed, these kids get it.

Tolerance (or, "Sweet Baby Jesus, I Blogged!")

It’s been too long since I have made use of my blog. Not that I expect anyone to care or even to read this, but putting my thoughts in words, in front of my own eyes, has always provided clarification for me, made my thoughts more sensible and clear in my own eyes. I express myself best this way, out of the often-muddledness that can be my head. And yes, indeed, I make up my own words too: “muddledness.” I like it, and it fits.

Something has been on my mind the past few days.  The word “tolerance” and what it means to me.  It can be a confusing word, and as positive as I hold it to be, I can understand how some could attach negative connotations to what it is and means.

What does “tolerance” mean to you?

I can’t pretend to know what it means to you or to anyone else, but I can define very clearly what it means to me. “Tolerance,” simply put, means live and let live. It means I don’t know what it is to walk in your shoes, so I will leave you to the task of making it work the best way you see fit.

“Tolerance” means believing that we were not put on this Earth under the intention to all be one and the same, all cut from the same pattern; rather we are all unique, all made exactly as we were intended to be, and I am not the person who should judge who you are.

“Tolerance” means morality is something personal and unique to all of us and while mine is held closely to my heart, I cannot expect it to mean the same to you, just as yours may not mean the same to me.

“Tolerance” is remembering I do not hold the only key to how life should be lived, only how mine should be lived. 

“Tolerance” is having love in my heart for all who seek to live their life to the fullest, live to their fullest potential, who struggle and strive to live as who they are, where they are, the best that they possibly can.

“Tolerance” does not mean I have to agree with your every opinion, only that I have to respect it as yours.

“Tolerance” does not mean I overlook your faults, only that I do not judge lest you judge me for mine. 

“Tolerance” does not mean I am without my own moral code, only that I cannot even begin to pretend to know yours, and leaving you to your own values does not mean mine somehow get lost.

I think it is too easy to forget that not everyone walks the same path I travel each day. The choices I make in my life are the direct result of that path, a true relationship of cause-and-effect.  How can I know the path you travel? How can I know what hidden causes led to your effects that I do plainly see?  It is true that we often choose friends and relationships based on similar beliefs, opinions, moralities, etc., as those are the people with whom we have the most in common, but that does not mean I don’t see there is a flipside to every coin, and heads or tails, every coin still has a value all its own.

I guess it all comes back to this: “do not judge, lest I be judged.”

This is “tolerance” to me.  This is why I hold this word dear to my heart.  I don’t have to believe that your way is my way; only that your way is right for you.